Here are some signs that you may be getting older:
1. You’re starting to lose (or have lost already) body parts (teeth, hair, young skin, hearing, brain cells etc.) Time for bionics?? Starting to wonder what’s involved in becoming a REPLICANT?
2. You can’t remember everything including the names of people you’ve just met yesterday (and especially eons ago). And where did you leave those darn keys? (Re: the keys–just give up locking everything, and invite the kids to come over and take it all. They will soon, anyway).
3. You can’t hop out of bed in the morning and (always) look forward to the day. There’s a few aches and pains. Maybe it’s time for a live-in FORKLIFT.
4. Sex with your sweetheart (if you still have one) is losing some of its adventurousness and is starting to become more mechanical–to wit, keeping plumbing parts just functioning is quickly becoming Priority No.1 (that is, if you can even still find them!)
5. You apply for jobs you know from experience you are fully qualified for–and employers REFUSE to hire you. Don’t they know that seniors work harder than “youngers.” (See Amazon’s warehouses…) Word to the wise: Wal-Mart is ALWAYS hiring…
6. Children think you’re ancient (as dirt) and refer to you as grandpa or grandma–even if they’re not even yours!
7. The annual doctor visit (or two) becomes MONTHLY and includes a variety of specialists–heart docs, eye docs, chiropractors, osteopaths, physical therapists, psychologists etc. Is there any wonder that there’s a market for Total Body Makeovers??
8. If you’re semi-retired, you begin to feel as if you no longer have a purpose in life–and volunteer organizations are hot for your services. (Tell ’em they can use you but only until you must FULLY RE-TIRE (as in get new tires for your car in order to get to the gig).
9. You begin receiving regular mailings from mortuaries, burial at sea services and hearing aid companies (after all, those ehs? mean you need help–OR are born and bred Canadian). But if the mailings from AARP and other senior organizations suddenly mandate only SHORT-TERM subscriptions, you know they must KNOW SOMETHING..
10. Your children start the conversation about nursing homes and assisted living centers–(if you haven’t started them yourself). NOW’S THE TIME to start spending your children’s inheritance…
11. You’re spending down your savings (or have, incredibly, given it away already–which may be exactly what you’ve been doing lifelong). Sucker….
12. There ARE no signs anymore.. You’re dead and gone and only memories will keep you alive among those who knew you. But you lived a good life, right?
