It’s a common sentiment these days that it’s never too early to get marriage counseling, with many couples even seeking pre-marital therapy to help them prepare for life together. However, if it’s been 20, 30, or even 40 years, you may wonder if it’s too late.
Even thinking about trying marriage counseling is a sign that you want to make some positive changes, no matter how long you’ve been together. It’s normal to feel some uncertainty about this process, so here are some marriage counseling mythbusters that may help.
You don’t know where to start
Whether you’re based in Texas and seeking Austin marriage counseling or somewhere further afield, using online directories like the AAMF or the ABPP can help, or you can try asking your doctor to help you find a licensed therapist specializing in relationships in your local area.
What if you can’t get to your appointment?
As we get older, mobility issues can make it difficult to get around. The good news is that with online therapy, distance is no obstacle. If you’re reading this right now, it’s likely that you’re confident in using the internet, but should you need a little extra support with things like making video calls, many local libraries offer digital skills sessions.
Your previous marriage counselor wasn’t helpful
If you had a negative experience with your previous therapist, it is possible to find one that works for you. Try arranging a consultation with one or two different counselors before deciding on someone who is a better “fit” for you both.
Marriage counseling only leads to trouble
A common misconception is that marriage counseling is a place where unhappy couples go before separating for good, but you don’t even have to be at “crisis” point to seek marriage: some people even go for the occasional “tune-up” to keep things running smoothly. Remember: your counselor is there to support you, not separate you.
Talking about emotions makes you feel uncomfortable
People often feel a deep need to connect without knowing how. This can be especially true for men, who are often taught not to show their feelings. In the past there was a lot of stigma and shame around discussing emotions, yet learning how to do so in a healthy way is exactly what can help to bring couples back together, even after many years.
Is it too late?
As relationship expert and psychologist Esther Perel points out, the quality of our lives is linked to the quality of our connections with each other. With many of us now living longer, finding ways to improve our relationships makes sense, and since it’s something we’re rarely taught at home or at school, that’s exactly where counseling can help.
Why rock the boat?
While things on the surface may seem calm, below the surface, it may be that one (or both) of you feels unhappy. While divorce is less stigmatized than before, many older couples stay together out of a fear of change, despite having already experienced many life changes together.
Some couples stay together, others may separate, but ultimately, counseling is about recognizing that things can change for the better, and that regardless of the outcome, it is possible to live a happier life.
