What could contribute to our vulnerability? According to one source, almost 30 percent of seniors live alone, often suffering from loneliness and social isolation (COPILOT AI, accessed 29 May 2025). Another report revealed that we seniors suffered an estimated $1.7 billion in personal losses to scammers (Reimers, Karen. Psychology Today. Posted September 18, 2023, accessed 29 May 2025).
We are convenient targets of opportunity for scammers. They prey upon us because they think we are susceptible, have disposable income, and lack a support system which could blunt their efforts to steal from us. The scammers are often correct. If we think we are immune from and smarter than the scammers, we place large bright targets on our backs.
Seniors (Or am I the only one?) may believe that having had a successful work life entitles us to a modicum of respect, not just because we have lived a while, but because we enjoy and deserve that respect. Rebukes and affronts sting.
I have two stories to tell.
I live alone. On the eve of the scheduled deployment of my new bovine heart valve, I was mildly apprehensive. I wanted the procedure and expected success, but I did recall that my doctor had listed death as one of the possible risks. If death were the outcome, I suppose I would miss breakfast the next day and jury duty, an impending obligation I had. To punctuate these pleasant thoughts, my electricity went out! I lit a candle and sat in the dark. Jury duty seemed a remote possibility. Then the phone rang. In near total blackness I located it and answered.
It was the sheriff’s office. I had been assigned jury duty, all right, but I had missed it. I had incurred an FTR Failure to Report charge and owed $400, payable immediately. I pleaded with the officer, told him about my heart procedure in 8 hours, explained that I was sitting in the dark, and asked if any leeway were available. No. No leeway. Payable now or officers would appear at my home in two hours to arrest me. Alone, anxious, enveloped in blackness, not thinking straight, I was truly a vulnerable target.
Could this have been a scam? In the dark there was no way I could find out. I had no WI Fi, my Internet was not available, and my cell phone battery was out of juice. I could see very little, but I did manage to take my I-phone to my car, charge it, and call the local sheriff to inquire whether I could save part of the $400. I learned that the sheriff had not called me, that no officers would come, and that I narrowly had avoided a scam. I was not smarter than the scammer, just resourceful enough to inquire. More luck and intuition than smarts. Seniors beware.
My bovine heart valve procedure was a success. Thanks Bessie, for the valve. I called the County, and they excused me from Jury duty while I convalesced. I had breakfast.
The assault on my dignity? That is a tad hyperbolic. All right, the disappointing rebuff.
My lovely rescue dog Ebony died two years ago, and I was now ready to return to the shelter to acquire a new friend. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted another Ebony—a black pit mix, female, and housebroken. Miracle of miracles, they had an exact match. The dog was in a remote location with a trainer and would be available for pickup the next day! I got a call later that Thursday afternoon that informed me that the trainer was unavailable to come on Friday but would come on Saturday. I made an appointment for 1:00 PM on Saturday, disappointed about the delay but happy that I would soon have my new Ebony.
When I arrived at 1:00 on Saturday, a shelter representative matter-of-factly informed me that someone else had adopted “Ebony” that morning. My anger and disappointment swelled. With remarkable (for me) restraint, I managed to express my feelings with measured politeness. But I left the shelter, furious at the casual mistreatment and vowing never to return. Whether it was their business model to honor the bird in the hand rather than the one who might not show up, or whether it simply was a miscommunication SNAFU, I did not care. I will show them. I will be unhappy. I will deny myself a new Ebony. I will wallow in vulnerability and self-pity and, boy, will they suffer!
When I got home, angry and feeling wronged, I attacked my laptop and began to compose a letter of complaint. Then I remembered that I had forgotten the four agreements. Let me tell you about the four agreements, designs for living right up there with the Ten Suggestions and the 12 Steps, powerful and useful tools for living. The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills (San Rafael, CA, Amber-Allen Publishing, 1997) posits that often faulty, behavior-influencing agreements which we learned in the past are lies, dysfunctional instructions, insubstantial self-defeating beliefs, and taboos which contaminate our lives. We must replace the harmful agreements with productive ones. Here, paraphrased, are the four useful replacement agreements:
- Be impeccable in speech; avoid gossip, judgmental remarks, and victimhood.
- Do not take stuff personally.
- Do not assume the motives of others.
- Always do the best you can.
There I was, sports fans, hovering over my laptop like a wheezed miser and prodigiously flunking each of the four agreements. I was judgmental of the shelter staff, and I wore my victimhood like a badge of honor. Of course I took my misfortune personally. Was it not I whom they deliberately and cruelly had abused? Their motive? Spite. This was not Chuck at his best. Happily, a wave of realization bathed me in recognition and resolution. I could resume my life unscathed by recent events if I just remembered and applied the four agreements. People are not out to get me, and I am not a victim. Assuming the shelter staff were motivated by spite? Come on, that is silly. The four agreements guide me and protect me. My serenity, limping only slightly now from my self-imposed pity fest, returned.
Something else returned. Not 30 minutes later a woman called from the shelter, apologized for the mishap, and informed me of an immediately available black, pit-mix, female, housebroken adoptable pooch. Ebony now resides with me. Moreover, she agreed to pose for the photo which accompanies this tale of vulnerability, victimhood, and recovery. I love my new Ebony. She reminds me daily to observe the four agreements.
Grateful thanks to Tami Waters and Lyn Williams of Health Directions Gym for their photos.
drchuckie@yahoo.com
