Photo by Cody Board on Unsplash
I’m 74, and, fortunately, in good health. But about the time Covid-19 swept the world in early 2020 I was diagnosed with bladder cancer (still don’t know how I got it, but see nextavenue.org for the complete story) and I ended up having two surgeries. (After chemo treatments, I am in remission.)
Covid doesn’t worry me, though, as I’ve gotten the two shots as has my wife and we are traveling some (we recently went to Mexico where I built a house in a resort some years ago). I am even writing a local column for my paper called “Active Past 50.”
So I count myself very fortunate. I do consider myself a kind of Renaissance type as I am capable of doing many, many things regardless of my age. And at such an “advanced” age I think I should have the freedom to pick and choose what I spend my precious time doing–most of the time I ain’t, as they say, getting any younger. (My folks died in their mid-80’s).
Most days consist of working around the house, playing an occasional game of tennis, writing, taking hikes (most recently with a dog), planning trips, and spending quality time with my wife. We see grandchildren occasionally and even sometimes take care of them. I should add that we now have TWO homes (one a “second”) so share our time between those abodes. One is in the city, one in the country.)
What I DON’T want to do is have all my time locked up by worrying about my house(s), which by the nature of the housing market, makes them very valuable today whether in perfect condition or not. My wife and I have had a disagreement about this recently which ended in a shouting match. Her position is that a house DOES need to stay in perfect condition, even if we have no intention of selling it right away. When I drew the line recently on how much to fix a particular issue, she even threatened to cancel our desirable trips over it.
This kind of discussion that has no perfect (to use that word again) answer can threaten a marriage and ours has lasted for nearly 25 years. I do hope it will blow over as I write (two days later, it did) but I know my wife to be very stubborn at times. (Generally, men tend to “cave” to what their women want but making each of their positions clear, and reaching a compromise, is the only way to go.)
Another area of worry is health care. At our ages you begin to go on the “medical merry go round,” which I’ve written about elsewhere–and I didn”t invent the expression. Had I never gotten cancer I think I could have gotten off it most of the time but now I’m going to heart specialists, audiologists, eye doctors etc. etc. The truth is, there’s nothing much wrong with me except a loss of hearing which hasn’t much changed in several decades. (I’ve also written about the limitations of hearing aids here at Seniors Lifestyle Magazine).
Hey, we all have our partial disabilities at “a certain age.”. And sometimes you just have to accept them.
Another thing I don’t want to do is worry about money. Yes, I know, it’s a concern for many seniors–running out before you die. Financial planners and retirement consultants pander to these worries even though, if you own your own house outright, have some decent investments in the stock market, get social security (and, in our case, recently ran a home-based b&b before covid), the chances are slim as long as you get a supplemental Blue Cross or Blue Shield policy. My policy paid for the surgeries I had in TOTAL.
Some of my fellow seniors are concerned about ending up in expensive assisted living. Could happen, I guess, which is why I wrote the article “Six Alternatives to Assisted Living” (find it at Google), thousands have read it. Nursing homes have proven to be an abomination during Covid so I am definitely not talking about THEM–very little “assistance” is given by overworked staff..
Few of us want to leave our homes and neighborhoods, and we shouldn’t have to. I know a woman who sees her “boy” friend, in an assisted living facility, yet she continues to live in her own private home with housekeeping help–and plays a mean game of tennis in her mid 80’s. Remarkable, really yet she and I have conferred about the assisted living subject. (Please go to it and make suggestions, I’m open to a revision, email billseavey@gmail.com).
If you are married in your 60’s, 70’s or 80’s, you will have a different set of pressures than you had when you were much younger. There IS pressure to see grandchildren (and maybe even take care of them) but this can be managed. You may be at the point where you are starting to plan for the disbursal of your assets, and in our case a lawyer helped us draw up a living trust. You may be ready to downscale by getting rid of extra “stuff” (but in our case the stuff just seems to keep accumulating. So, quite frankly, I don’t worry about it since the “kids” will likely deal with it–and their reward will be a free and clear house (or houses).
It may seem “selfish” but at my age the day should be mine to choose what to do, in cooperation with my wife’s requests and needs. But what doesn’t get done doesn’t get done. There are no parents or bosses around to tell you what you SHOULD be doing. If you’ve already given a lot to society–raising children, through charitable activities or the work you did for a living, you’re excused to just “be.” You shouldn’t have to answer to anybody, except maybe your hopefully forgiving and accepting spouse–if you have one.
So live and let live…as long as you can–and do your own thing?.
